the disquieted thoughts of judaica

The promise of fulfillment through the practicing of mitzvoth (meritable tasks) is their big push. (this may be nothing less than beneficence, however...) When I visited Ohr Somayach the 2nd time I had a chance to go to some Kabbalistic session where there would be chanting & clapping & such going on. I was just thinking I don't need to see this bunch of monkeys hoopin' & a hollering with such a serious intent there & then. (though now I fancy it would be quite interesting) My focus wasn't illumination, though I may have said so, but rather episodic. Just riding waves into the space of experience as if one was cut off from the next. Very disparate behavior here. But in a way it helped in the decision making process--just being able to nip things right then knowing something else would come around was the general mindset, small world though it be. At the Yeshivah I imagined apparitions as if I adjusted to new light, unsure of shadows. I felt in a solitarian room, thinking, construed either dimmer vision, or lit eyes adjusting... But it all meant that immersion into psychic phenomena of one's own mind had an obfuscating affect--seeing the world colored differently, but this nevertheless a trip wire into formidable characterization of self. A new environment is the new color, or a room, a person, or what I ever could emote & project into my strange world. In this case, I sought out images of a Judaic bent, I thought inhabited the earth as spirits, ophan, angels--whatever, but in the stream of my consciousness, which was becoming of the mental furniture outside of the physical.