History as I've taken from Flavius Josephus' book. Zadie's collection

Subject: Balak & Balaam in the land of the Midianites****I'm not trying to be seen the dissipator and as supra-religious (not going beyond its accord I mean). I'll use that language as long as G-Dtalk favors the world-objective, say, calling this world as something like Higher Ground & not because it is always favorable, but the inertia that feels to me enough to lend my hope for less pain from the impermanent record. The reference to a god is merely good enough--some folks are just telling me something sounding a little too resigned to the obvious. Yeah, I agree, we only manifest what is. I am uncomfortably a shapless mass--live w/abstraction & also physical voids, my appearance as such. How does a god play to this awareness? It would be something vaguely meta-physical that I can almost seize sometimes, and hopefully become compelled, any kind of motive, to be creative as that Outward Fact: G-d, Consciousness, Relationship et al, I & Nature hopefully the more. ITs a big piece of the pie to know folks are indicating their deficiencies as they represent themselves as social animals. Ego alerts us to this--that quality of otherness, which most dismiss because it disarms us to know WE do it too. Yet, being imbued w/general notions, something objective, is being indicated by what is greater than subjective norms.The bible as revelation makes theX-tian a X-tian, but what makes a Believer a Believer, whether self-perception creates an obvious lable or not, IS IS iS someone respecting THE fact we all do this? THIS thing between the MUTUAL arising of other communities...!!!!
AND Think you would change your lifestyle if God existed for sure?: not really G-d damn, I just have to laugh at this question having no antecedents, except for this chic's thought & "answer-supposing" that church was always so "boring." Yaw, that boredom was to me a concretized memory of a short life lived, & the bullet's speed in which I saw this life thread into what seems to be Balak's ploy to have Balaam reckon a talking ass... as biblical & into prophesy as the peripheral magicians or priests who at once are condemned by Israel & again looked upon as learned from some verily temporal example

It may be an objective fact--I'm making allegory here--that your Mother was there for you or not in ways that made your reactions a little more considerate (HOPEFULLY)--but even if you've had relationships that fall short, you'd know in your heart what would be Right about it. And it still can be the face of this or that person, because the preponderance of that shared jumping off point--a bigger conscious map--should make us more humble. If G-d was on High, He/She/It would leave every other place vacant. And isn't that where we live? So, look around & see where you should put substance into all that distance between you and your INEVITABLE goal.

Subject: "Music a godly thing." Bob Marley
Felt my breath evaporate on the palm of a beggar in Jerusalem. Meaning, his meager arm extended out of rough djelabiya attire, grasped at my words--I was received into an unawakened state where my ruffian ways seemed superfluous. Rob Olson--my friend who I was travelling with, & I sauntering by, a few days previous to an impervious Jerusalem stroll on a hit of A. I probably should say "contentious" Jersualem stroll--we stridently were not imbued w/anything of a religious sense or syndrome, but rather took to ole brown, w/nothing better to do but seek a depth of antiquity in the rainy december air. Angry young men on LSD in the streets of Jerusalem at the brink of Palestinian's first intifada. We watched as a young man was stopped & searched-- his jam box-suspect on the ground, rubber-necking frowned upon by the Police... wasn't complicated weirdly, just thoroughly & freely an ugly American moment out of place, in a considerate mind!!
What if there is more that tells you to jump into the abysmal new dawn, yet something tethers you to what has faded... like the liminal & persistant "nous" as the Greek's deliberated on: your Mind. No place to go is answer enough--but I'd ask, are you in the conscious pocket? If not, any decision is the wrong one. Apophasis is the spiritual man's/woman's tool. The self-consciousness I felt on Winter's days there in the hills of Jerusalem, made me idealize the heat of thoughts & pained sentience as I felt the yawn of the parallel path widen - me on one side, plainly remote, auspiciously in wanderlust, and Judaic ascetic currency on the other, like a road too distantly conversant than the sign-post saying how to manoeuver upon it.
One gratuitous awe I thought would lead me to enjoin self-actualization (via Judaism) was sitting before Coltrane in dark blue yonders, and conversation ensues, I'm listening I'm listening, then as if I'm calling & responding...I am somehow heard!! The event of passive listening at home, makes those moments the convergence of illumination & art, and since it is there in front of me, I think the sounds are telegraphed in immense looks past those walls.
Think of what it would be to be compelled to devolve in one station in life--and if this be the case, what it is that keeps you looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. Hand to mouth, beans & coffee--as Paul K tells it. I liken the resolve to the Islamic professed name Abd-ullah=slave to G-d. If G-d willed things thus, we just live work-a-day in & out. Only HERE to live UP--one dimensional!!