KUSALA or HELPFUL action--as opposed to Amorality

I may have over-stepped my On-Spirit empty guru in the shallow room impulse, but I just sat down to some Eastern Thought...so the colTRANE of thought--the most beautiful I get to feel in an I & Nature moment, is the narrator to what it is that is out there where I am HEARD. (THEREin lies the giving & RECEIVING) I mean, it just seems it spills from my antiquated dust layering me in xenophobia...that I believe the body is all we can bespeak, and life's pollution keeps telling me to attend to it!! **Called Samkara. So, I IS Body MInd Spirit Speech & answers to one thing: Bodies' reaction from all of it, and is received unto the Atman/ the eternality!! Ok OK back down to earth... I think an answer is not your goal to correct what it is you contend should be your change, but just that "change" is evident...change just IS. If you live you love, if you give you get. Life is FOR the living--our potential to live!! My brother in Ca. is such a freaking athlete, and I don't know what it even is he does that I want to do. It is the fact that he is at moments comfortably immersed in his art, AND we all have become willing agents to believe his learned potential: he knows something about himself that makes him more a part of us than the things we meet now becoming all plastic. OK, so an answer yes, but I can't see something as valid in my so-called identity unless I know I am working to catch UP. I love goals, but material ones I just can't fathom. I am a bean eating fool--require very little, but music & books... don't need a big car!! So, its clear nothing is really going on--I have no place to be. Everything has happened where the grass is greener...it is an absolute to believe that. I give something to the weirdness that someone else is going somewhere. What I give is the sense that I should rationalize my latent reasoning I should have anything to do with it. The peak moment is also when it seems I have pointed out a bright star for so long, suddenly I see all my energy in dialogue with something that star had NOT heard before...
*** Trying to be integrated & letting all the character I know of whom I need to speak, H S Thompson brings me to a better renunciation of maybe the kind of memorialized space this domicile eclipses, but reminding me long enough that I should watch the urban myth collaborate - thru man yielding to his nature - with nature as in the pollen messenger giving me the meter of the Summer's passing. HST has a shiester, hedonist or maybe anarchical perspective making me actually think of friends ever in lowly fits & sighs without me. There are pivotal facts dealing with this GONZO writer, the way he lived, that are upon the in-between places I see shared amongst just a few others. It could be something eclipsed from our English classes at Lafayette high school, too!!
~~~If this world is entirely fictive, then it is personal suffering, between you and "your" Creator that delineates history as WE perceive it. The pain & excesses from the abuse of the powers that be, jettison us thru a narrow door, leaving us with meager choices. Sometimes if only to say we ought to meet the light of day!!
^^^There is the "I" of the body-- or there is the "I" of what has no substance thus unanswered, & really wouldn't exist. WE know only what we are in relationship with. Obvious right? time or nature; significant other, you & I; then I and We...an ego bound value. I always had let my mind find the understanding in passive waves. So, an understanding may be like the concepts borne unto merely a word like "Mediterranean." That it would be consistent with some learned response to a world map would not be how I further memory & mental illustrations. That it makes sense at all would be mind as claimant upon the well of silence, yet not formulaic. Now, I see I can know things this way. I can Wait. Just wait, and the appeal is that I'm not conflicted with wanting more out of Understanding than the look at yellowing page of letters & symbols transitioning to abstractions. Still, the patience is become a normative inquiry--I am too comfortable, so seeing or believing an answer is forth-coming is mind's lie that a measure for light to avail me at the tunnel's end is goal, whereas process defies me. Such is the romans bildung in my academician mid-life. ***
I had a girl-friend that did art at Ringling School of Art & Design, and they would have to paint nudes... This is where I gathered the term throbbing member, as she described the large black man who was her subject at one point. Her seductress demeanor had me anticipate the inevitable... she'd be with another, meanwhile I remember her as the bee-catcher pollen messenger dropping me off at the door of "every woman" = my wife now of almost three yrs, having known/dated her for almost 9--is, I want to obviate, is THE Woman. The lavender mood has me repose in a blue slumber til she arrives, and thence my language conveying meaning to which I imagine my day, is how I feel I participate in what she does mnemotechnically!! Suggesting I know I am thought of, I am "remembered."I needed my wife as none other when we met & significantly I realized this sets me up for what the entirety of life will reach-for going forward. Loneliness is really upsetting if it is clear to you life has meaning yet you can't quite write yourself in the book of dreams...life et al. Lost in process gave colorful ideals for me, yet I had seen the ease with which the other was resolved in contentment, because they'd been understood. And I wanted that--as now I do. Life is a long distance run as if the river of life with which I live in proximity yields the slow fidelity and thus its irony that catching up--as I am inevitably socially--is a solitarian achievement. Thus, I haven't lost by secreted identity in the hrs of meditations when solitude had me kill ego at all costs even thru inertia which I could measure only simply.