Amanita muscaris==RED FLY NATION

Under a pine tree was the usual repose I'd assume while reading Isaac Babel's "Red Calvary" book one late Summer & early Fall. If "rosy-colored mourns" were seen in the faces of his Jewesses, peripheral characters to shtetl Jews--to borrow Kerouac's words--then the roseate suns of day in & day out troddings from the initial Socialist Revolution's reckless hammer on its perceived enemies, was the thud of thoughts lifted over my head and gravitated unto the sheen in the trees or magnificate skies abreast in my mind. The swath I would paint of Jewish constituency was a social marker just to make some one individual a little more received in the conscious pocket of my days in hitbodedut meditation. Its meaning is merely solitude, which is an abject cause of asceticism in Judaism, yet remained my focus. Elijah & Ezekiel's vision's have everything to do with the silent words of thought, the still-small voice, as an allowance toward what relationship with the Ultimate Reality indicates in us.
Had an ocular migraine last night. Feeling really restored now. Read about solitarian type yoga stuff--this same book G-d is a Verb--which mentions Jewish mekavanim/ kaballists, making all my silence feel accompanied w/a thread from that read--the day before. Ideally anyone wants to reckon an ascending pattern from days' long ends to the next. For me tho' in a cognitive lapse, I could see the appeal toward what I cleaved to--that being immanence, the Now, and that nothing colluded in this presentiment, so at least it felt crystalline that I presume solitude without a means of escape. In other words I was compelled to surfeit this condition. Seeing the new pallet this am., seems strange. Walls, time, place & community containing me once again. The event of passive listening to music, at home, makes those moments the convergence of illumination & art, and since it is there in front of me, I think the sounds are telegraphed in immense looks past those walls. Hand to mouth or "beans & coffee" in Roses for the Rich--as Paul K tells it. I liken the resolve to the Islamic professed name Abd-ullah=slave to G-d.
***A man has less truth in his eyes than the thing he sees as before himself that he ceases to meet. I try to make a referendum of Bob Marley's lyricked aphorisms, "You speak, I feel..." & otherly, "if you keep coming, then your Over." That this would be "identity" shows its fleeting conscious prop-- the midnight sky as liminal. And what becomes of us beyond an internacine conscious space is entirely the half-thought cast of shadows. ***This corridor week, if this pattern of time passing was a material thing I could manage, I imagine it like the hekhalot--the halls or temple rather, I've seen both indicated as referring to where we meet these Talmudic rabbis from 1500-2000 yrs ago as gate-keepers. All I am trying to do is give a persona to these low-energy moments when I am freed up from all identity machinations. Reading in Rabbi David A Cooper's G-d is a Verb book yesterday, Binah consciousness is the proliferate level of meditation so that Awe brings us into relationship with What-Is=G-d's Mind. He speaks of Nothingness, a solid definition for G-d if we see within our condition that we are compelled to put whatever constituent facts into that Void, whether it is a sense of our presence, or the Outward fact which is the experiencial immanent impermanence whose weight the tent-poles of consciousness collapse under... And then that fragmented result makes us look UP & yonder & personify the All or Nothing that received us.
I was made head-strong by the hand of the almighty, was Bob Marley's lyrics, and just seeing how folks persist from moment to moment sometimes informs me to a vast potential and "realistic" motives - I can see - that I know the "other" doesn't realize they should observe (themselves in that box.). I swear I feel I am floating way above folks sometimes, & weirdly I am content to call this repose a bird's eye view... yet what I manage to bring back to ground zero has no report of this distance travelled.