Friday, November 24, 2006
RASKOLNIKOV via my underground
I felt sensitive, like all the incidental sounds arriving cut through me like a wooden bat swung against a leather couch. Someone showed up... as I neared the convalescence of hermit-like existence, finding opportunity in it. Why haven't you done anything today? were the words unmistakeable w/out movement in his guffaw, but drawing me out to the color blue, my floor, which I had only seen as black & white 'til then. I had an architecture drawing table, a cheap one, in the middle of my small room. & he slammed some piece of industrial metal, I found out in the garage, on its corner & broke a piece off. I felt it was a fist's report across my face. I see what Jimmy meant by saying the lights turn blue tomorrow: my eyes only looked inward, felt glazey, & I made the outward fact a center whose perimeter was infinite--I just looked like I haunted myself. I drew little abstract images on a journal then, felt rushed like each idea was kindling my intensity to prevent a fading away. There was a fire in my brain, but my cup runneth over w/loss, & time was being broadcasted from everything I railed against. To compound those "images" I read distinguished Flavius Josephus histories as if this book proffered the concolor of my effort with "road"signs, only I could read, & would make this strife personal & not derivative. The signs or symbols were the archaic projection of this 19th century book translated from the original Greek, & somehow still embossed with a truth from an ancient time, while defeating the relevance of immediacy. I took it out towards the airport, into a cornfield, sitting in the autumnal cool, the sun still high above, I needed space. I G-d damned my life in those moments--I g-d damned the lack of portals into the mundane awakenings I expected just through heated conditions of forced thought scenarios. I needed to taste shapes & to hear colors. the Muse:"Doest thou love the fog?" the Self: "I fear it!" the Muse: "If you fear it, you hate it..., if you hate it, you LOVE it!" (Evgenii Zamyatin)
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2 comments:
"Takaloof" is a Urdu word. It means Formality.Let me tell you one couplet in urdu.
Ai "Jauka" Takaloof me hai taklif sarasar, Aaram se woh hai jo takaloof nahi karta.
It means "There is a hardships, many difficulty in following formalities. Those who do not follow formalities live in comforts"
Poet's name is Jauka.
Shankarcharya is a high priest of Hindu religion. When Hindu religion was in danger during ancient time may be few hundred years back "Adi Sahkaracharya", (first Shankaracharya) who was Great Scholar travelled all over India to spread Vedic religion. He estabilsed 4 Maths ( alike Cathedral)in East,West,North and South. His successors are known as Shankaracharya.
I do know J.Krishnamurthy I have read one of his book. However frankly speaking I do not know much of his philosophy.
"How can man live without love? We can only exist, and existence without love is control, confusion, and pain - and that is what most of us are creating. We organize for existence and we accept conflict as inevitable because our existence is a ceaseless demand for power. Surely, when we love, organization has its own place, its right place; but without love, organization becomes a nightmare, merely mechanical and efficient, like the army; but as modern society is based on mere efficiency, we have to have armies - and the purpose of an army is to create war. Even in so-called peace, the more intellectually efficient we are, the more ruthless, the more brutal, the more callous we become. That is why there is confusion in the world, why bureaucracy is more and more powerful, why more and more governments are becoming totalitarian. We submit to all this as being inevitable because we live in our brains and not in our hearts, and therefore love does not exist. Love is the most dangerous and uncertain element in life; and because we do not want to be uncertain, because we do not want to be in danger, we live in the mind. A man who loves is dangerous, and we do not want to live dangerously; we want to live efficiently, we want to live merely in the framework of organization because we think organizations are going to bring order and peace in the world. Organizations have never brought order and peace. Only love, only goodwill, only mercy can bring order and peace, ultimately and therefore now."
"Love Is Dangerous" - The Book of Life (November 25)
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