the Dream & Sqqqqecial Media

Sometimes I wake up with just a black field & one image (personality) upon it. I am of course sleeping with Valerie, and this is a status quo dream, because I am electrified from conveyance then in those moments, as if I was looking around the room, but my eyes are closed. I have to ask myself why is it I inculcate & suppose Valerie in a dynamic with our slumber characterized. And I guess the answer is, this is what we do. We sleep. And I have a nocturnal conversation with her, which is only answering me with a soft question: "Why?" To perceive relationship, it seems, we first place identity at our cntr., apparently--this is homeward, rather than wayward.****************************************************** (about a week ago) My eyes feel feverish today--recently. The image of the primordial man (Adam-kadmon) on the cover of Gershom Scholem's Mystery of the Godhead has no eyes, but is reverential of the solitarian me (or anyone) like to guess at a face from the back of someone in a crowd is the same demand we have of a facade of self-hood thru images. The guy at Sqecial, who always trades for my books, had a sleepy Al Joelson look to his eyes--I am used to seeing by now elsewhere, like lines of reflection from intensity, concentration & everything I guess at, respective of me (though I don't have these eyes) are like my sense of my power spot, which is under the cascade of shadows cast under the auspices of community, an entirely visual reality. I remember in around 2000 visiting my brother there in Newbury, Ca., sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed (just a mattress on the floor) as we carried on. I still see him peering from furthest-most reaches than just the few feet between us--even at that point I imagined novelty in that look (and the point is not necessarily fraternity), though I knew til now now I remained intellectually un-intimidated (like anyone with an attitude of benefits to studying regularly). On one level we ceased regarding anything grander than ourself because its torpor cannot surfeit our exhaustion.