Feeling less than essential, watching Valerie's expression of duty at her new entrepreneurship--definitely in those few moments I want action to multiply, but I'm looking inward as if I hold her at a deep resolve; looking to the corner windows, that now happen to be open, I fly out to the gravid world with nothing to match it. I fill up watching her, but I don't peak, so there is no verb to perform the effulgence of this contrast. I think about the nights adding up--over at her former bosses' house, watching the dogs (& now). We were watching The Shining there, and crows on my shoulders seemed to help me project into the cover of distracted moments in the house where I grew up. I remember thinking Dad's reasonable response, or not, to a certain amount of utility stress I seemed immersed in & no different than his daily deconstructing of identity, had leveled the endurance I had in balancing between my schizophrenia, & my clarity on the other extreme. The capacity to intuit fates beyond your control*, so hopefully if we're true to Kharmic law=all of them, seems more & more probable & realized as time goes on. I'll assume this is because we created benchmarks of otherness--those who we have begun to project their sense of things too. At a certain point, its the only promise of the movement of our spirit into materiality.
* Midnight's Children is excellent on this reference
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment