Backyard view in my contentment's collapse

Humans get that we are other--there are Others. At any point in the day I think
that someone also resolved existential crisis as I just did. The lower animals
jump from the cosmic plank into the abysmal empirical momentum of its life
force, never just following the subjective self unto the Objective Other.
This youth--I say youth, I was yet 21-22 yrs old then, while we worked as extras on a movie set in Israel (It was called Riding the Edge.), had been abusing the stereotypical recalcitrant mule--there riding him into the encampment where we all stood dressed as bedouine. This part of my trip to Israel and Egypt, was the Israel leg after the magic of secreting away hashish up my bum and bringing it into Eilot Israel. Turns out they didn't search our stuff anyway.
~~But the high (Winter's) sun of Egypt was fully embraced precisely during the day of the trip to Luxor, outa Cairo. Night of the red-bulb seemed below the surface. On the train, this young boy stared at me--eyes searing, from the fore for the handful of hours it took to meet the Valley of Kings' and Queens' destination. Off the train, in Luxor, my life assessed in some surface moment--palimpsest, no controling Americana vibe, the desert skies shared with me, but I was clouded with little apprehension of my trodding. I'm hidden while there--but the sky is the limit.


If one were to realize the negligence of memory, maybe as an animal quickly loses the impulse of mistrust had it started out that way, when DO you experience the perfect MIND? A tree in its sprawl, like architecture over-coming the skyline? Wu hsin, no-mind, is mind enough, like the Daoists? Like an artist's profile demurred, preoccupied, effortless? IN Neil Young's MIND, a fine mind, as he lyricked? When do you sense your condition, and at its peak?
Seeing the lighted field of all the impressions folks have made on me, and reducing those ideal circumstance of perchance a meet and greet again toward just that image of light as high as my lifted chin, just before me, as I peered to my forgiving backyard out of my bedroom on the second floor, it's clear Hell isn't half as bad as what it took to get there. But dude--I am clear in mind when I tell you--It is______& I have been there.
Turning off and tuning in, something monastic, sitting sitting in lament controls me. Seems that spirits unabiding laugh that in my loss of religion or culture--or something about self-realization, I forget to laugh with them. Still, my purpose is stalwart and bidden.
"Sitting" in the meditational sense is a Retreat--experiencing it for moments sometimes yrs. This Rabbi takes my ridicule of herioc's past--wars and rumors of wars, and says that 25yrs in a cave was to thwart the Romans authorial destructive body. If he was threatened at all--the heights he will have obtained in scribing The Book of Splendor (Zohar--the primary and seminal book of Jewish mysticism) was man clearly desolved into and elation within social poverty. I want to be all about that. No mind, wu hsin in Dao Thought, means no norm, no request of me to die in a river of sight, til absurdum makes my head the event of the season...all I see is ancient rosy colors behind eyelids, and image is language enough.
~*When ASked about Religious Affliation, a good FRiend said Love above All!!*~
"Love above all?" Ok. But I have a thought: Amidst some sense that all results, like the thoughts, feelings, and actions--all these allegories to higher ground, may be sensed and draw us into saying I am. So "I am" can be rent from that center of awareness when LOVE starts its career into me being responsible for someone when IN THAT moment they can't be other (it's the movement of your emotion!); other than the thoughtful RESULT of mind dealing with what Hannah Arendt denotes as semblances. Just dealing with symbols--which would be our only statement about TRanscendence, just that it isn't transcendence (maybe)/or even love, but just BEING... In Jewish thought, no fantasy, angel, person, or saint can intercede in our need to enter into dialogue with the Transcendent. If meditation or theoria = contemplation! is the ends of man, then lament to whatever it is that would be that which is greater than yourself, thus not of your assertions about the World, but the World's assertion over You.
~Our mind, like an ambulating wheel on an endless track is potent, truly but merely a potential, and only when it is exercised from the little trouble of our self-worth do we know that we've been indicated in an I & I sense of relationship. That is love in its peak moment, but more than that, all attributes are called off when the Candle is Blown Out.