The Egyptian Sinai, & the completely exposed desert of the Zunis

Egypt, Eli! Eli! I have thought about the very boughs in my KY home's neighborhood as being yet another key to win back the fat soul of plenty that IS this N. African sand-dune. TRibalism rather said in Arabic is badivat, badu is the root=desert dweller, and Dahab was a bedouin village circa 1987...soon to be scrubbed with commercialism, but getting out of urban settings is a good motive to something spiritually full. Having gone to what my guide said was the old Cairo, makes the feeling that there was presence you could taste in what my ugly american viewpoint tells me is the in-between places. Al-Fustat, now swallowed by Cairo, is the beginning of what has become Islam's center-piece of Arabic cultural, tho' in Iffriqqa. But, by & by I felt centered in these places...and it is yet only a corner in the desert map as I look into antiquity...believing the loam. This "separation" from superstition --as it traduces the very communal ideal that survival is now at hand, can be looked at thru iconoclasm. This is what helped Jews when they said, G-d is Nothing, as yet life is a material-Void/ Ein-Sof, an Absolute. Too often the Adherent wants to say "a There is There," that Creation is contained in any one self-conscious moment. I heard recently an interesting way to perceive the Ultimate Reality: If G-d is Ineffable, then maybe his Creation is as unseen. Independent thought allows religion to proliferate, in opposition with tradition which lends its dissipation, otherwise we'd diffuse into the middle of stream. If there was an Arabic word I could say in revelry that now a received-tradition punctuates the enormity of lives capturing mine--it would be "jahili," the dispensational ignorance pre-dating the "surrender" (Islam), yet kicked over like the crystal palace. Oh, but for my sake, as if I ride the tide of what asceticism would indicate in me. If I can look at surface form, in my ignorance, I know only to look past into melding visual limits to pervasively find an auditory out. Now the walls come down, like a voice reaching an idea that is food in-nature--I say it, I eat my babel, & find myself a new home designed by my senses. Ijtihad (independent thought) is the Islamic jurisprudence that allows the Mu'min to adapt to the availing conditions, unrealized & un-noticed before. The gathering of resources is sometimes not the acquisition of those material supports, but the alliterative path where ideas are proliferated from just the fond existence of those resources--our seeking is instructive enough!! Sometimes what we seek has reality all too inclined to its loss.
The deserts in New Mexico actually were threatening recently (not just the sand storms), as remote as the poverty Indians lived-by subsumed, as contrasted to the rich archeology of of believable harvest worshiping, sorta one strident picaresque view that I thought in its ritual is all I'd answer for. Petraglyphs all point to blood's vital carriage, health and life reaching into artful ancient minds--fascinating subject, this one with arms & legs all at rt. angles. I said, he's facing the prospects of the abundant new days to come, like America's aborigines have some eternal look forward in time and our symbolic embrace has skylines of an urban myth: he stands prone, in other words--my sense of it as a psychological nuance. And Mark said, he might be dancing...!!!
> Just imagining how it is incumbent upon the denizen of our deserts, to feel that its grandeur of space holds you up, as opposed to the ill prospect that survival is at once your agonistic numinous trial. The myriad view behind me as I sit yogin-expectant at chapparal desert expanding, is perceptible like the feeling of an open door behind me as now. For just a moment I imagine the sounds past the threshold are channeling in merely less auditive echos as before me...a strange echolalia phenomena.

So, if I were asked, how would I describe an awakening? IT is meaning to say, for instance last night, my eyes**in conceptual meditation**saw only illumined thought-images—nothing at all what was before me; it was beautiful! I saw some psychically composed room, which I responded w/ ideation that I have “arrived,” but then there was a dense black shadow & I called it down to veil me, which once encumbered, utter peace filled me w/ an awakened spirit. I converged upon identity, for what seemed sustained venturing into long moments of time & place= I was alone, & yet received, evolving & prone to the chambers of wisdom the Kabbalists speak of—ever reaching, but toward intangibles—still a kind of stage for communion w/ effort as the well-defined payoff. I am saying Yes to the Outward fact that would be OTHER than anthropomorphic: meaning appearances!! If someone speaks, you feel--to quote B. Marley--but what if they use the words streaming from that center of awareness that says, in effect, the world collaborates in the project of your worth. (someone using your language as before you!!) That worth is your consciousness...projected!! So, now we know this occurs in self-expression, but now ask yourself, when does the light of day become concommitant with the self-conscious act that the road before you exists only as each step upon its peak surface is reaching its immediate proximation? Or another way to look at it, when does white noise vibratory properties in a wall facade become as alive as your mind in expectation that you see through these physical barriers? You know the walls collapse in certain epiphenomenal consciousness. This is the world acquiescing with our very solitarian trajectory thru it... So you speak I feel. But also, you leave, and the world takes a stand as we do knowing it is incumbent upon us recognize our perseverance!! Is something here--maybe a little?

Gauge as part of my learning tree/ new book, new leaf

Lists are hard for me, but my Zadie always said, to create goals is to make lists--so outlines, in my view, are just taking experience & wanting to transcend its pattern, yet always w/a similar jumping off point. Here below shouldn't be considered mischief--as I am THAT motivated. Before I left, I was floundering in a lot of mental hype. All very functional (I was), but clarity outweighs the seemingly "good-times" & like I say below, others can Stand for this "release" where as I have devekut, or in my connotation "cleaving" to something I see as Supernal...not necessarily G-d, but maybe Self-duty--is better!! Remember "relationship" of all kinds CAN be esoteric, if we find process in its availing as a kind of immersion. Rather than rising to the surface as some may seek. While traveling, before we were caught in the snow storm, coming out of Grand Canyon, we came out of Flagstaff, and on our way as the earth elevated & I ate salmon jerky from Trader Joe's health grocery, we saw snow on the ground, & swathes of Aspens and coniferous trees ubiquitously. It is strange right now to feel INTO my game, as if the fragmented-usual should be now as it was then before I left. Now #1 on my list is to accept my deviation from DeSirED goals!! So, like peeping Tom I look up from my cold meditation like I am suppose to be dragged from this seat of consciousness into mischief --a bit uncomfortably. (good allegory?) AND then so easily & in effect my strain of intra-mantra slavery gets less dubious, as I realize not much is actually going ON. Still, though it is an emotional break-thru: the dis-connect is life's roads with lots of signs--no need to complicate my mind!! 'Cause folks like you impart that sense of mind grandeur in a way that gives me the open door (of perception) anyway... Seriously, I bet it is as good as it gets as for anyone, but worse for me when its drives us to the duldrums because of my schizophrenia. (GETTING BACK TO THE GRIND) I hope that doesn't seem to be a cop-out--but I know you dig it!! Some (somehow old yet new) strange uber-realistic thing occurred to me last week on Wednesday, when in New Mex. somewhere, while talking to this Asian Indian dude (as usual motel after motel owned by these good folks). My bro standing there, and this Californian Indian guy rapping with him, while his guru's image beams at us. (this guy is an adherent of Ganesh, my brother relates) I once had a freaky deak hallucination as if a giant Gandhi was in judgment of me, yet only in a way that he'd "will" my life trajectory and nothing my conventional mind could assess or compose as his relevant mean--yet the awe was beautiful/ugly... So, when I need to climb down from great thoughtless heights, or frenetic concretized thoughtFULness whose end is nowhere known, then I sit before HIS history and study what TiME it is. The dispensation is always cosmic, as defined by the Greeks: Time & place in immediacy, yet temporal as a willow tree, say Grandmother Willow in Pocahauntus gently and respectfully giving me office in life. Maybe this was the pivot in mind as I stood slightly beside myself before these esoteric relationships=my bro *& this Indian. #2 would thus be, endeavor to study more of this India history, as that Mother India is the headwaters of self-knowledge as I see IT.
So what led up to my remonstration of this manufactured motive at the peak of high mindedness and measureable effort?Read all day and drummed in intervals: solitude!! --the Saturday before last; Sunday I was on my way. But with only one social foray before I left--visiting my fellow beat enthusiast, tho' the spectacle of 21 century life has left us with less alternative (conformity is a plastic energy whose idol is self-promotion=so just because we CAN communicate doesn't mean there's something here that indicates us) ...recusing the existential! Felt really self-conscious like I had to answer for the bigger part of what the reading delivered conceptually. Wasn't self-conscious strangely, or uncomfortably... Felt delivered from concretized day when the Dao's 10,000 things made sense again. 10,000 things may be their sense of experienced-forms found in our "path," yet I sought to capture perhaps 10,000 thoughts as if the nomenclature of the mind had thought at the seat of awareness.

I & I Syndrome/ Where's Buber when you need him?

When is it too much deferring to one's self as the subject at hand? Here's my thought--it isn't as cut & dry as some may think. If Thoughts Feelings & Actions are allegory to Higher Ground--looking within may be the key, and subject per our striving, that we ought not!!

In support of one's proclivity, I say, it is a good and an unopposed sense of self-referencial reality, to continually allow for some essence of the natural world to load up the vacuum of selfhood. (so appositely, what is natural to you may be even more natural to someone else=think: Urban life!!) Just as Neil Young sings, “my eyes have turned to blanks,”--it is your eyes devouring this world indicating you in each and every moment--if we want it too!! The biblacy (sic) of evolving and elemental flora creates shadows to lose the burdens of “taxicabs running over our feet” Neil again. The plastic corpulence of over-wrought symbolism in the stakes claiming our rationalism in the material-world, where it SHOULD have no abiding because in IT is where ad absurdum reigns—is where shadows can buffer ourselves from that. The ego is in point of fact where we find others pleased to hear your sense of things or the unfortunate "been there done that--no time left for YOUUU." But, I have noticed some of the really low brow folks I know, tended to be unforgiving if I would use "I" as a generalization for what I think most people experience. After all, again in defense of the I & I relationship, it is YOU and higher ground as you see it that involves everyone else in this grand parade.

I would be convinced to study not what I imagined wasn’t there otherwise, but something the imagination put there=if you can think it reality acquiesces. The notebook, journal of lists, identity thru words, were contained in dreamt stanzas because the things that in reality which WERE on PAPER, construed the black fire of abstraction, since ignorance left me in terminal self-evidenciary mode – a sort of self-actualization that could be taken more seriously than a style of “separate” reality-based—the-thing-on-paper/ meaning I'd rather take abstraction seriously. Valerie’s sister the other night--she walked a little funnily to the car because she considered something greater than herself administering each step forward, like being on film & she didn’t want to miss a frame. Obviously, her resolve was to hold herself up to the bigger picture, she couldn’t find solace inside, she had to adopt what things seemed like on the outside, so at length the grandeur of space held her attention. I think there was no question in her mind reflecting that we created the ripple in the pond—the fundamental point is however, how far outside of us do we go before the “mule” & ulterior self has no other choice or how much of her ego does she actually scrutinize="IS it me or everything else?" I imagine her asking. How far outside your immediacy is your center? One mind, but many gods…!

KRISHNAMURTI, in focus : If you have ever seen how Socrates' thought has trickled down to us in our history books--the delineation of question & answer, & teachings that evolve into visualization with very basic thought patterns suddenly objectified as we take his reins on offer--this is Krishnamurti's way as well. I tend to walk away almost despondent that such essential & temporal thoughts without all the spectacle of some nod East, or the trifle of motive, is what I am left with--yet the thoughts are weighty & it seems that there is some power in being on a rhetorical "floor-of-consciousness." A real No where, to be respected! If you read him before, you'd get what I mean by that, I think.
The way I started down this path, with this particular language--like for instance Thoughts Feelings & Actions as being allegory for Higher Ground, is thru a lot of auto-suggestion. Ok, like thoughts--yeah I see a Thought, I'd say= I watch what I see, to quote Rimbaud. Then Feelings--uhm I feel things deeply (tho' deepness can't be toted around in a wheelbarrow) but deepness can be Numinous you know Higher Intellect=the Higher Soul. And then Actions--how about ritual. All these things portend we do it for a greater Good, if we get a glimpse of integrated reality. And a friend said something about what I said about the vacuum of self-hood. I have read over & over with Buddhist thought and common sensical reads, that the Ultimate symbol of the self doesn't exist--so as we start to fill up with our gratuitous efforts for G-d, we see that it is TOO easy to believe in all that self-revelry, that in fact that "effort" (think karma's definition) doesn't help us construe a self. Yet, it (these lovely liturgical values, & rituals) is all we have...

So, this quite interesting chic on Tribe doesn't like the I AM of Moses. I said, wait, your just offended by subjective logic--so, like your saying you don't want to be subject to it... Fine, but that doesn't deny the value of say for instance the Brahma of Hinduism. Brahma manifests all that is (an I AM kinda thing too!)--so if we inquire--look inside ourselves at this statement, we'd wonder what IS it that IS. That is called self-consciousness, RIGHT? And more than that, it is imagination finding a thread to what IS--the IS of ancient scribing, or a sense of being encumbered by the Vastness of some kind of ineffable solitarian being. I just want to be compelled to look at the OUTWARD fact as having MORE value than the OBVIOUSNESS of its denial of ME. THat's not a bad attitude, is IT?

It is quite simple really, but as all truth-eluding us, is because we demand complexity because our minds are immediately fragmented, & simplicity doesn't require that effort we thought we must exhort to gain a sense of our condition--then that'd be our folly. Anyway, to the point, if you are looking into the long ends of the day, or the quiet door at the end of the presumptive impermanent record that IS this life we share, when and if YOu achieve a moment in saying "I AM" all else I repeat ALL else follows. IT is entirely a moment of self-knowledge if you can say that? NOW think, when was the last time in that secreted inner-voice that you have said I AM? "OH, I am." YOU damn right!! So, in my opinion, it is just Moshe having a moment. He'd become a convergence of TIME PLACE & Community... not a bad moment to encumber us. By the way, it is right around 7:30am, work is the day availing, and I am good confidence with you...

Bluegrass Airport--feeling so good in my neighborhood

Having your cake and eating it too!! Drawing on the naked walls, and empty ceilings at the house of all my changes, I found out that the newness of interests demanding a refrain of spent energy unto that ideal was not going to be reason enough to make identity as that uber-goal. Christianity was ultimately new--because my Jewish G-d was considerably antiquated before Christianity would interfere with histories' jumping off point, but nothing was there to refuse, so that I might alight to its simplicity, as the case may be (thinking about Dylan here!).The thing you refuse becoming the thing you use, so often comes from how averse you were to change. I knew change--flipping inside out like the On switch of Tic Tocs upon the walls containing me, so my mind was one big Yes! And nothing convinced me that I'd alienated anything--thus identity was impossible: the ultimate symbol of the self can't be any artifice real or imagined--plainly it doesn't exist...so start with nothing!!
A Win-Win situation, RT? But, utopian goals are merely a deer's lair in my mind as if I wake up in a dream & suddenly I am speaking the language understood only thru instincts that in the waking moments leave me with complicated feelings. So, putting complications into a convenient box has me equal the perfect moment I describe which was a night vision (dreaming dreams) in reprieve of staying up thru the nights when I worked the graveyard shift at UK, as maintenance crew. My mind would be subsumed by these dreamt nurturing emblems of being the deer's submissive, while the deer is the surrogate "me" performing a needed escape. What was imperfect was having my mind consult this dream-oracle in self-counseling, because in my wakened moments of those over-night hrs, I was utterly improvising a fragmented existence no one in relationship near or far could reach me or conceive of. Having my cake may mean knowing how I'd be received--eating IT too, would be projecting that "box" in my understanding of cognitive complexity. As deeply as we accord what we understand about the "other" to that fixation that somehow our control is immanent, sometimes I would much rather see less distance complicate my all-pervading lucid moments that of the One_Mind and the prevailing loss that is our most basic condition, that control isn't what it is about. It is not a matter of just letting things naturally occur: because I am reading the lay of the land, and sacrificing one observation only to anticipate another. We deal with transparency--our own--when in consideration of the OUtward fact, those who are more adept consider US subject to something they've already transcended. So, how do we appeal to that transparency, when otherwise we wouldn't want to think very hard about those parts of a Greater Reality--a reality we've yet to answer for? Maybe appearances can detain us from painting the world in colors so anthropomorphic that the human condition NOW wouldn't make our insignificance so depreciable?--so stepping out & away from our own human effulgence would be a goal! I like to imagine faces in the clouds, but as birds over-taking create an architecture past the folly of this urban-scape, I'd rather imagine the sky as their limit, and I am only subject to that which is On-high.
*~*In the Spring, I always liked the personality of the burb neighborhood coming out, and not just what is obvious, but what seems sleepy & hidden. When it fogs over and, I am generally up rather early, looking across the burb-scape, the trees look like an abstract scaffolding, the limbs stunted behind puffs of fog. And the trees are mind-architecture emblems look as removed as that distance strung when we suss answers from equally as unapproachable recesses in our thoughts... KY is a wet state, and spring out in Daniel Boone Nat. Forest has all that loamy smell I know I could carry around past this samsara incremental cycle I am chained to, in this yah dispensation... My dreams many times have a mythic path availing before me as each step I take reaches for the ground of being, from the farmland with creeks & springs & solitude down around my house where I grew up & then into my 30s. Magnolia trees are way abundant in KY, and their blooms are bold, white & strange thinking about old growth forest where you might imagine oaks, big trees etc. I had gone to lie under pine trees at the edge of the church parking lot next to a local small horse farm, absorbing the pine smells and wanting the allure of the inner-sensei moments to create new bounds where I'd compose myself in netherly "I AMs." Even in light rain I'd read under this pine tree's boughs, reading the Red Calvary stories of broken churches, deposed Jewish communities, vacant gleams of roseate sun-lit hues channeling the author's true to life trajectory in a socialist state unto his death at their hands (Stalin's hands)!!
***Ear-dimensional conscious displays had illustrations of a particular coffee table book on the history of civilization, as the finnese of my solitude, hearing sounds arriving like the world had gotten louder, colors brighter, immediacy more expansive... "THE TRUMPETS THAT BLOW IN MY FACE W/ SCORN!” --Dylan lyricked, remind me of the visual I had of these filtering displays that looked like horns coming from a hulking base of skin-toned something. I know at this point in my student of life repose, I was dreaming of what seemed like a skin-scape because of a Flavius Josephus book--its very cover of brown worn leather, “Antiquities of the Jews,” that I got from Zadie's collection; this book was translated from the Greek in the 19th century. I kept imaging as I read along that I was seeing delta symbols, taus, just various letters other than the English. This seemed to imply a truth from an ancient time but did not concord with Helenism or Judaism but had an anthropomorphic essence- If language is a god unto itself, think Thoth, the gods as states of mind were what I saw as primates (I mean after all, gods are created in our image, Right?!)--animated selves, in a line leading up to H. Sapien Sapien, in dreams just like it was a legend for a map, but in this case it was for thoughts.
~~~The appetite I have for things Jewish is found in a stretch in the same environs. Right off this same road where the church lie is Bluegrass Airport.
In focus is Yom HaShoa= THe (Remembered) Day of the Holocaust. So damned remote we are that this goes on, has gone on--and yet I go on. Elie Wiesel, Auschwitz survivor, has worked for human rights in attempts to rid these same demented inhumanities provocated thru political extremists toward ethnic cleansing, which defies any true definition of Ethnicity anyway... I saw him on TV one time, now many yrs ago, and I was, in those few moments preceding his media communique', very mindful of the world & alterior conscious map. Then with his way of imparting such seriousness to be imbibed, I saw the opening unto a bigger picture. I was thinking about a trip abroad, and doing so, so vainly or not, I rode up to Bluegrass airport which is only 2 1/2 mls from my old house, parked in an illegal parking lot (a thoroughbred carrier's seasonal lot), went in & inquired about tickets to - I guess, Israel. But, only to develop a sense of constituency with this place--as no $$ would avail this plan, & yet $$ is beyond the pale of my seeking this sorta self-actualization. The map in mind was now replete with digressions of Wiesel having become a khalutzim (pioneer) back after the war, and just having left the philosophical plateau of French culture, is just as my departure from the loamy thoughts that I had it all figured out... then and only then does a One World Village make sense.